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Eighteen.Female.Single Texas Born - n - Raised College.Student @ ACC Outgoing.Excheerleader Starbucks&&Shopaholic <33
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[August 7th, 2007 at 9:01am]
" I don't know. It would be near impossible to date conventionally and you're a pretty smart girl proposition "

if you are trying to confuse me its working. Im about to pack my stuff and fly out to europe.

[November 20th, 2006 at 8:27pm]
So writing in here hasn't been like it was. I used to update all the time, sometimes twice a day but things got hard for me the last few months with my father passing away and etc. If you, whoever you are start reading this you will note from this entry on the way I am has changed. I feel as if a whole new side of me has come out. That sounds strange but I've matured and just changed. From now on this journal will be Public.
Let's see. So over the last few months Chris and i have remained together. My dad died of a heart attack and everything was left to me. The funeral, the money and all of his belongings. I miss him a lot but since its been almost 5 months now things don't hurt as bad. The pain is still there but it isnt how it was. Lately i have been feeling a little crazy. My mind almost went when my Dad did. I developed hypochondria (I always think im dieing) and I developed sever depression. I have adapted and It isnt as bad as it was. Im feeling healthy again and not as so out of control.
What has changed about me? Everything. I am no longer this preppy wanna be porn star and look like pamela anderson. I no longer have any aspiration to achieve men by my looks. I want them to fall in love with my mind, I want them to fall in love with the person I am. I feel like the last few years I have only wanted men to lust after me. I posted compromising photos to try to get some attention I needed and i no longer need it. I want to be a writer. I honestly would like to write something like the harry potter books J.K. Rowling writes but for now I am working on a book about my father which curently is 3 pages long. haha, eventually It will grow and Im in no hurry while im currently going to put myself through school. I want to become intelegent. My morals have changed, how i veiw everything has changed. I don't want to play the ditsy blonde hair big boobed girl anymore. Blonde I am, and Big chested I am too, but Im not longer going to be ditsy. Im no longer going to chase after guys and live my life like that. Its different now.

[July 20th, 2006 at 1:21am]
I havent written in here in a very long time. My dad passed away 2 weeks ago today. hes gone. i have kept myself so busy i dont think about it much but there are times when i want to pick up the phone and just call him. and i cant. I just want to touch him. to just feel him. and i cant. all i have now is words to the air. and the wind blowing by me. thats all i have left. my memories are so precious to me and im so afraid of losing them. my mom doesnt even care. everyone around me forgets he was my best friend. there are so many things about my dad i just long to have again and i cant. Ive lost people and i have seen on the movies. but there is so much you just cant explain or even show. just the feeling, the moment when hes gone. "he's gone, he didnt make it" the words eat me alive. "he WAS this, and he WAS that" he no longer is, he's just was. there is so much i just want back, so much of my heart and my life has just changed. i just wish i could have said goodbye but by the time i got to the ER he was gone. i just wish i didnt have to trust god and trust hes there with him. I dont want to doubt god because right now thats they only thing that holds me on. i just want him back

[June 3rd, 2006 at 10:40am]
im losing him. im being so annoying and its because im freaking out because i feel like im losing him. I just want him here with me. I fell in love with him. I gave him my heart on the floor of his grandmothers house. I trusted him with it. And now he says he just needs time away from me. he cant stand me. im like a nat. i bug him all the time. he says he didnt do anything last night but he really hung out with the girl he calls cute stuff. his lies just makes me cry. i cant stand it. i just want him without all of the pain. i just want our love to be the same. hes breaking my heart into peices. and he doesnt even care. i gave him the power and hes taking it, hes using it to break me. he doesnt love me, im just annoying to him. i just want him to love me and hold me. but i guess i wont get that will i?

[May 27th, 2006 at 10:28pm]


my boyfriend

i want to be skinny

his ex girlfriend is too pretty

its annoying

his grandma likes me


[March 14th, 2006 at 9:21am]
Show media Loading...

[March 6th, 2006 at 8:26am]
Amy leaves tomorrow. I spend the night with her tonight and probably will cry a lot when she leaves. Its really hard on me. Things have been really crazy in my life. Chris is talking about moving in together....and he also said something about getting married. Which is great and all but im not in love with him. I still care a lot, but i lost all that when he fucked me over. Anyway i don't wanna talk about that because that's not the problem. The problem is Lolly. She is a controling bitch and has been fucking with my dad and i's account. My dad gave me money to help me get out of debt and she said she felt "raped, and betrayed". I know shes trying to help us and since she is helping us with money she has some buissness but not ALL of our buisness. She isnt my mother, nor my step mother. So she needs to stop with this parenting crap. She takes away my laptop when she doesnt like something and im fucking sick of this. Chris really wants me to move in with him in a couple of months and its looking quit nice except everyone will shit a brick that im gonna move in with my boyfriend. Well i think everyone around me has forgotten what i have been through. All of the shit i persevered through. I didn't ask for anything that happend to me and i have been a rock lately. Taking every hit that comes my way. It pisses me off because NO ONE remembers that. Because i have this outword apppearence of having it together...i must. Well emotionally im completly fucked over and have been for a long time. I have healed some of the things i have been through but not completly. I'm just really fed up with this shit at home and i want to move out like every normal 18 year old should but NO ONE supports it, let alone with chris, and no one understands because i look like this bad guy because my dad is dieing and i am deserting him. This is a really complicated situation and im about to blow up at lolly if she yells at me again because i can't take this. Im so sick of people telling me what to do. Ive waited so long to be GROWN UP! so now i can say im 18 leave me the fuck alone

[March 2nd, 2006 at 7:45am]
table cellpadding=5><tr><td>
The Priss
Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLDf)

Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.

Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy.

These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards.

Your exact opposite:
The Playstation

Random Gentle Sex Master
You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Playboy, The Loverboy

CONSIDER: The Manchild

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: mjp09</td></tr></table>

[February 9th, 2006 at 9:11am]
"being skinny is the best taste in the world"

I wish i was skinny

laguna [January 25th, 2006 at 9:50am]


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